Rejection

Rejection is one of those things that seems quite standard rationally, but as a human it still stings deeply every single time. No, you won’t get an offer from every job you apply for. If you think about it from the other side’s perspective, how could a company ever manage to hire every single candidate that applied? And yet, the rejection feels so personal, as if it were a direct denouncement of your self-worth. A similar trend holds in dating, business, and generally any field that has “limited spots”. That one person you asked out on a date can’t say yes to everyone. Nor can everyone’s pipe dream startup idea coexist all at once. Some experiences, if not most, will inevitably end in rejection. So why then does it hurt so much?

When I reflect on my own experiences with rejection I find that I invested way too much into an expectation without observing a signal from the real world. For example, I’d like to gauge whether an interview went well or poorly. But why go so far as to even make that assumption? I won’t actually be able to label the outcome until I get a follow-up response. Any anticipation before then is just inviting the chance of disappointment. Perhaps this stems from being egotistical, i.e. I feel as if I must get the positive outcome because I did well under my own standards. But nature’s standards are quite different – the pool of job applications, dating prospects, competing businesses play a larger role in who wins rather than the subjective opinion of you, the individual. This calls into question why we try to exercise our expectations over nature in the first place. What if, instead of the interview going well or poorly, the interview just happened? And I just went on with my day like I usually would, rather than betting on an outcome with so many factors out of my control? Then there would be no sense of rejection.