Authenticity

Many people crave authenticity, but it seems to be so rare in human relationships. Why?

In my experience, I’ve lost authenticity when I deprioritize what I really want. For example, choosing not to communicate negative feelings in a relationship because of the difficult conversation that will follow. In the moment, choosing “nothing” instead of that difficult conversation feels like a win. But the alternative option was not “nothing”. It was the silencing of your reality.

Being authentic demands more from us, however, because we must now do the work of defining what we really want. Small talk is easy because you can more or less follow a template and keep the conversation surface-level. An authentic conversation requires going deeper: what drives you, what you fear, who you really want to be. At that point our instincts might tell us to run away. The entrance fee of authenticity is fighting that instinct and embracing those uncomfortable thoughts anyway.